What kind of gig goer are you?

January 15, 2009

What kind of gig goer are you? Just answer the questions below then check your score against the scoring system to see what kind of GG you are.

You find a good viewpoint but it’s in front of a vertically-challenged punter. Do you…

(a) suggest they move forward so you can stand behind them

(b) take the space but crouch a lot

(c) think “it’s not my fault you’re a shorty”

(d) take the space, put on a top hat and fart

It’s the most poignant, spine-tingling moment of the set. Do you…

(a) get lost in the music, almost as if caught in a trance

(b) nudge your friend to explain at length how amazing it is thus distracting others

(c) lose control of your bodily fluids

(d) shout “jobby”

During a quiet acoustic moment the people beside you start chatting. Do you…

(a) shoot a dirty look and tut under your breath

(b) secretly hope the singer snaps, dives into the crowd and smashes his guitar off the offender’s empty head

(c) watch on then applaud when the blighter’s dealt with

(d) join the chorus of shushers with a look of self-importance

It’s a small venue, it’s packed and the crowd’s in full voice yet again. Do you…

(a) glare at the idiots while wishing they’d shut the hell up so you can hear the singer

(b) complain to the promoter demanding your money back

(c) sing until your lungs explode and your skinny jeans split

(d) grab your mates, form a huddle and jump about until every ounce of liquid in a 3m radius is spilt

The band is late on stage. Do you…

(a) wonder where these Muppets are

(b) stand patiently, eagerly awaiting the magic to happen

(c) chant “here we, here we, here we fucking go!”

(d) push to the front juggling three pints while singing “here we, here we…”

The bloke in front of you hoists his girlfriend onto his shoulders blocking your view and exposing her straining thong. Do you…

(a) avert your eyes Ark of the Covenant style, say nothing and hope a steward deals with it

(b) “accidentally” bump into the bloke, thus toppling the hefty obstruction

(c) deliberately sneeze on her exposed flesh

(d) whistle a “who let the dogs out / thong song”medley

The band calls for some crowd participation. Do you…

(a) sneer and do nothing

(b) watch others oblige while secretly judging them

(c) embrace the moment and do as instructed

(d) take it upon yourself to organise the people beside you not joining in with all the “fun”

The same person continually pushes past you as he makes countless trips to the bar. Do you…

(a) politely move while cursing his continued existence

(b) close ranks so his path is blocked

(c) use your foot as an unseen but effective obstacle

(d) place an order the next time he passes

Sandi Thom comes on stage. Do you…

(a) leave

(b) tear up your ticket and leave

(c) shout “what was I thinking”, tear up your ticket and leave

(d) wake up in a cold sweat

You’re at a gig and the person beside you breaks wind while his friends laugh. Do you…

(a) stand your ground defiantly

(b) retaliate in kind

(c) light a match

(d) shout “who’s baking brownies” then aim while combining(c) and (b)

So how did you get on? Check your score below to find out what kind of gigger you are.

Mostly (a) – you’re a professional cynic, keep up the goodwork!

Mostly (b) – you have your limits, beware the dark side

Mostly (c) – alcohol makes you erratic, why not try a nice cup of tea

Mostly (d) – we’re all God’s children, except for you you twat

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